


Case Study in the Practical Applications of the Synthetic Phallus

by PompousPickle



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Dicks, Fluff, Humor, M/M, like a lot of it, we're talking about dicks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 03:31:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1210987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PompousPickle/pseuds/PompousPickle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of one-shot cum-shots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Almost Humping

**Author's Note:**

> So my boyfriend and I decided to co-write a series of short Almost Human fics revolving primarily around Dorian's penis.

John was sitting at the table flipping through the Classifieds when the thought hit him. The pages of the holo-newspaper reflected in his eyes as he idling scanned the pages. There were some ads for different “Bang Bot” emporiums, bragging about the latest models and their capabilities to feel “real pleasure and pain”.

John looked up at Dorian and rifled around for the right words to express what he was thinking. Dorian was sitting on the couch, biding the time in his own way. John cleared his throat awkwardly and stared at Dorian before finally spitting out. “Okay I give up. How do synthetics get turned on? Like is there a little switch between the balls that just magically makes erections happen or…?”

“It works by hydraulics,” Dorian quickly explained, tossing a small ball in the air and catching it. Much of their weekend was spent this way. It generally devolved into other activities, usually because Dorian was fond of pointing out when he was bored. But John didn’t feel right about just putting the DRN away until he was needed for police duty. “Pleasure happens through a feedback system. Same as pain or heat or really any other kind of touch, I guess. Judging by the pages your reading, you’re thinking of spending a night with a sex bot. Good for you John. I knew you’d stop letting yourself get hung up on Stahl.”

“I’m still hung up on…actually I don’t remember that ever being your business,” John said brusquely, thinking of the woman’s soft features and easy smile. “I was just wondering how these things worked. How do they know when to moan or…ejaculate. Oh god do the males ejaculate? Where do they store it? What’s it made of?”

“Honestly John? I don’t spend as much time thinking about scantily-clad androids as you.” Dorian sat up a little and stared off to the distance for a second. His face flashed blue, and John was horrified at the thought that Dorian was actually _researching_ how sexbots had sex. John opened his mouth to take the question back, but it was already too late.

“Huh,” Dorian said with a smirk, as though knowing something John didn’t know, and would never know. Suddenly, Dorian’s smile seemed uncomfortably dirty and completely new to John, even if he had seen it a million times. “Did you know male androids built for sex have a button where their prostate would be that causes a shock similar to an orgasm?”

“I’m regretting this entire conversation.”

“Thought you would,” Dorian simply nodded, his smile not going down any.

“You think you have a button like that? A good ‘shock’ might get you to shut up every once and a while.” John mumbled to himself, using his hand to wave away the Classifieds and move onto the next section of the Sunday paper. He barely even noticed the full extent of what he had just said.  

“Not sure. I can’t say I’ve ever thought about it. Even if it were there, I kind of doubt your equipment is large enough to reach it.”

At that, John looked up, his facial expression suddenly dangerous as he gave a small smirk. It turned into a laugh as he turned his head back to the paper. But he knew that Dorian’s eyes were still trained on him, and that the DRN’s lips were turned into that obscene little smile. And for some reason, John didn’t mind at all.  

“Yeah keep talking like that and see what happens,” John laughed, his voice a little more fond than he was used to hearing from his own mouth. “You push my buttons all the time. It’s about time I push one of yours.” 


	2. Fun with Dick and John

"It's also a Swiss army knife" Dorian said with a shrug and a head tilt, lifting the shaft. With a metallic whipping sound, a small knife appeared, as well as a few other tools, such as a small pair of scissors and a nail file.

"I honestly have no idea why that turns me on," John confessed, staring at his partner's dick with nothing short of fascination and more than a little bit of horror. "But more importantly, you got a lock-pick in there? That could be useful for future cases."


	3. Sex in the Synthetic

Dorian insisted that preparation wasn’t needed. At first John was scared that he was somehow self-lubricating. Because, to be honest, he wasn’t entirely sure how he would deal with that knowledge.

But to John’s surprise, his dick slid in with ease, without a hint of any lubricant or other substance. The DRN’s passage was still tight though, without being stretched out beforehand. “Shit,” John mumbled to himself as he ran his hands over Dorian’s body, letting out a sigh as pleasure pulsed around him. “Do I _want_ to know how that went in so easily?”

“Teflon, John. Teflon.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: these are just really silly things that I work on for fun. I'm currently working on another longer piece in the meantime. <3


	4. Gold Medalist in the Boner-Killing Olympics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I imagine that sometimes Dorian's dick makes the Windows Start-up noise when he gets an erection.

Dorian liked to open his mouth and produce all manner of sounds and voices. He liked doing it when he was in John’s car, in John’s apartment, or in John’s bed. Especially in John’s bed.

And the Detective hardly minded. He liked the incoherent babbling in French when Dorian was lost in pleasure. He liked when Dorian used Richard’s voice to make fun of the guy. He was even getting used to Dorian using John’s own voice to talk dirty to him.

Well okay, that last one was a bit of a stretch. But at least it kept things interesting.

John was running his tongue up and down Dorian. He had become accustomed to the taste, and to be honest, he kind of craved it. Dorian wriggled beneath him, taking in every lick and kiss and bite and absorbing it. He was downloading it deep into his skin, letting it shape him and complete him.

And then suddenly Dorian opened his mouth, and out came the voice of a high-pitched girl of Asian descent. “Sensei, please! I’m only 15!”

John sat up, almost dizzy with how quickly his cock softened, blood rushing directly upwards and sickening his stomach. He stared at Dorian for a long time, who was wordlessly grinning at him, looking as innocent as humanly possible.

“Blue balls is a real thing and it hurts like a bitch,” John informs him, laying back on the bed and glaring at Dorian. Still, he couldn’t help but run his hands down Dorian’s chest, enjoying the way the synthetic reached back towards him, letting Dorian roll over on top of him. “Make it up to me,” John whispered, his voice firm and demanding.

“This better?” Dorian asked, his voice suddenly dropping down, deeper and huskier than John had ever heard it. His voice sounded blown out, desperate, thick with need. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

John groaned as the blood began to rush downwards again, but more in pain than in actual pleasure. Dorian began to murmur in deep tones in his ear, muttering in Japanese. This bot was going to be the death of him. 


	5. Blow By Blow

“You need to move in with me,” John finally said, after months of pushing Dorian away whenever he so much as _suggested_ moving into John’s apartment.

“This about the bubble solution, isn’t it?” Dorian said, altogether too calmly for a person who had just been caught pants down with his roommate.

“Oh come on. You _hate_ living with Rudy. Always doing experiments and bringing home strange woman with questionable backgrounds…”

“Diamond was a very nice young woman,” Dorian piped in. And sure, he _did_ hate living with Rudy most days. And he would normally drop everything to move in with John. But watching John get upset and uncomfortable like this? Well, that was just a little bit better. “I don’t understand why it upsets you. We were doing the experiment for your benefit.”

“Firstly, I don’t care if you can ejaculate or not. In fact, I rather not think about it.” John shook his head, trying to get the image out of his head and downing another gulp of his beer. Spunk wasn’t pleasant when it was coming from a human organ, let alone a robotic one. “I just don’t want to walk in to see Rudy with a straw in my boyfriend’s ass, blowing bubbles from his dick. Is that so much to ask?”

“Well, we decided that testing the mechanic with bubble solution was honestly the best…” Dorian trailed off for a second as he fully processed everything that John had said. “Boyfriend?” Dorian smiled at John, nearly grinning ear from ear.

John merely just tried to resist smiling back. “Yeah well…no more bubble-blowing dicks, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ironic how the only time I can write fluffy things is when I'm writing about robot dicks.


End file.
